Several years ago, when I participated at my first transformational Shadow Intensive with Debbie Ford, one evening we had a “Pajama Party”.  Arriving in pajamas, we got into small groups so we could share “bedtime stories”.  Sounds innocent enough, right?

This was a little different…  We were asked to tell our stories of woe- pain, shame, the negative aspects of our lives past and present.   As people in my group shared their stories of dysfunctional families, abuse, suffering, being misunderstood, I felt more and more uncomfortable.  When my turn came, I said “my life is good, I love my family…”  When asked, “Then, why are you here?”, I said “I don’t know, I just want to find out what this work is all about.”  Then, someone said, “Tell us your story, your pain…”  I again said, “My life is good and my family did the best they could…”  I looked to our group facilitator–a holy man, Gurudarshan– for some reprieve since I was feeling more and more trapped.  As I looked at him with his loving eyes, I was shocked by what he said, “That’s bullshit!”  I wasn’t trying to be closed, I thought I was being honest.  Yet as I heard those words, my sweet little world around me shattered.  I was in pain, feeling misunderstood, rejected, alone, “different”… unsafe, all feelings that were quite familiar.  All my thoughts of how things should be- “He should be holy and loving…”, “This circle should be supportive and safe…”, “They don’t understand…”, “Why am I here?”

By this time, everyone was in celebration of this exercise, free to have “vented” their life’s story of pain and sorrow.  Yet I felt numb.  I realized I had a choice.  I could smile and pretend that I was enjoying myself, pretend that I was “one of the crowd”.  That, I’d done many times before.  Or, I could be where I was.  Tears rolling down my cheeks, I walked slowly to the restroom.  I passed an assistant who asked me if I was OK.  To my surprise, I could honestly say that “I’m OK”.  Even though I felt emotional, there was something freeing in just “being” where I was.  I went into the bathroom, and locked myself in a stall.  I thought, “I could stay here the rest of the night.”  Then, the same assistant came in and asked if I was ready to come out.  I said, “No, I’m fine.”  A little later, Justin, a facilitator came in and said, “Loree, I want to make sure you’re alright.”  Before I had a chance to say that I was fine, he said “I’m coming in.”  A moment later, he had slid on his back into my stall.  Here I sat, on the toilet with my pajamas around my knees and he’s lying on the floor staring up at me.

Now, to me, the floor of a public bathroom is disgusting and equates the depths of darkness.  Yet as I stared back at him incredulously, I saw only pure Light shining from his eyes.  I could see the darkness, yet the Light was shining through.  All I could do was laugh, and say “get off the floor, I’ll come out!”  The rest of the night, I felt “spent” and very present to that experience.  I could see the Light in “That’s bullshit” and I thanked Gurudarshan.

After getting in bed and ready to have a deep sleep, I went to turn off the light at my bed stand.  As I reached for the switch, I began to fumble around.  I became a little confused.  I couldn’t see the switch, I couldn’t find it…  It’s so bright, why can’t I see the switch.  Then, I realized, the light was already off. ..  There seemed to be so much light in the room- then I knew.  That Light was coming from me…  As I shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep, I heard, “The Light is in the Dark…”

Light is in, through and around us.  It is everywhere, you need only look through to find it…




  1. Sit upright in a chair with your back straight.
  2. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
  3. Imagine a big ball of gold energy above your head.
  4. Raise your arms above your head and bring that ball of energy through your head and imagine the energy filling your body and field around you.
  5. Feel the Gold energy light you up!



  1. Fill up with Divine Gold Energy daily.
  2. Connect with nature- notice your connection to LIGHT (FIRE) at a deeper spiritual level.
  3. Dwell on transformation and enLIGHTenment in meditation.
  4. Acknowledge the light in other’s eyes (window of the soul) and feel the divine connection.
  5. Gaze into a candle flame or fire and see what inSIGHTs you receive.


How do you notice the deeper depths of your connection with light.  Have you had any interesting spiritual experiences?  I welcome your comments and shared stories of your experiences!


Loree Oberle-Edwards, MS, DD is a licensed minister, an instructor of the Chopra
Center for Well Being, and a Healing Touch Level 1 Instructor with the Healing Touch Program.  A native of San Diego, she enjoys the blessings of life with her husband Cliff and cat, Athena.

For more information, email Loree at