Several years ago, when I participated at my first transformational Shadow Intensive with Debbie Ford, one evening we had a “Pajama Party”. Arriving in pajamas, we got into small groups so we could share “bedtime stories”. Sounds innocent enough, right?
This was a little different… We were asked to tell our stories of woe- pain, shame, the negative aspects of our lives past and present. As people in my group shared their stories of dysfunctional families, abuse, suffering, being misunderstood, I felt more and more uncomfortable. When my turn came, I said “my life is good, I love my family…” When asked, “Then, why are you here?”, I said “I don’t know, I just want to find out what this work is all about.” Then, someone said, “Tell us your story, your pain…” I again said, “My life is good and my family did the best they could…” I looked to our group facilitator–a holy man, Gurudarshan– for some reprieve since I was feeling more and more trapped. As I looked at him with his loving eyes, I was shocked by what he said, “That’s bullshit!” I wasn’t trying to be closed, I thought I was being honest. Yet as I heard those words, my sweet little world around me shattered. I was in pain, feeling misunderstood, rejected, alone, “different”… unsafe, all feelings that were quite familiar. All my thoughts of how things should be- “He should be holy and loving…”, “This circle should be supportive and safe…”, “They don’t understand…”, “Why am I here?”
By this time, everyone was in celebration of this exercise, free to have “vented” their life’s story of pain and sorrow. Yet I felt numb. I realized I had a choice. I could smile and pretend that I was enjoying myself, pretend that I was “one of the crowd”. That, I’d done many times before. Or, I could be where I was. Tears rolling down my cheeks, I walked slowly to the restroom. I passed an assistant who asked me if I was OK. To my surprise, I could honestly say that “I’m OK”. Even though I felt emotional, there was something freeing in just “being” where I was. I went into the bathroom, and locked myself in a stall. I thought, “I could stay here the rest of the night.” Then, the same assistant came in and asked if I was ready to come out. I said, “No, I’m fine.” A little later, Justin, a facilitator came in and said, “Loree, I want to make sure you’re alright.” Before I had a chance to say that I was fine, he said “I’m coming in.” A moment later, he had slid on his back into my stall. Here I sat, on the toilet with my pajamas around my knees and he’s lying on the floor staring up at me.
Now, to me, the floor of a public bathroom is disgusting and equates the depths of darkness. Yet as I stared back at him incredulously, I saw only pure Light shining from his eyes. I could see the darkness, yet the Light was shining through. All I could do was laugh, and say “get off the floor, I’ll come out!” The rest of the night, I felt “spent” and very present to that experience. I could see the Light in “That’s bullshit” and I thanked Gurudarshan.
After getting in bed and ready to have a deep sleep, I went to turn off the light at my bed stand. As I reached for the switch, I began to fumble around. I became a little confused. I couldn’t see the switch, I couldn’t find it… It’s so bright, why can’t I see the switch. Then, I realized, the light was already off. .. There seemed to be so much light in the room- then I knew. That Light was coming from me… As I shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep, I heard, “The Light is in the Dark…”
Light is in, through and around us. It is everywhere, you need only look through to find it…
DIVINE GOLD SUNS:
- Sit upright in a chair with your back straight.
- Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
- Imagine a big ball of gold energy above your head.
- Raise your arms above your head and bring that ball of energy through your head and imagine the energy filling your body and field around you.
- Feel the Gold energy light you up!
- Fill up with Divine Gold Energy daily.
- Connect with nature- notice your connection to LIGHT (FIRE) at a deeper spiritual level.
- Dwell on transformation and enLIGHTenment in meditation.
- Acknowledge the light in other’s eyes (window of the soul) and feel the divine connection.
- Gaze into a candle flame or fire and see what inSIGHTs you receive.
How do you notice the deeper depths of your connection with light. Have you had any interesting spiritual experiences? I welcome your comments and shared stories of your experiences!
Loree Oberle-Edwards, MS, DD is a licensed minister, an instructor of the Chopra
Center for Well Being, and a Healing Touch Level 1 Instructor with the Healing Touch Program. A native of San Diego, she enjoys the blessings of life with her husband Cliff and cat, Athena.
For more information, email Loree at email@example.com